Currently Listening Clear Hearts Grey Flowers By Jack Off Jill When I Am Queen see related

I knew I'd end up forgetting about my xanga. Not sure what to say. I'm just really fucking depressed at the moment. I was going to go down to Cincinatti for a week to stay with Phillip and Kelsey. And as usual, plans fell through. At first, I was having the parentals drive me down, then I figured, way too much in gas money. I couldn't afford it. Then I just told Kai I'd go with her, like usual. If I had WAITED...Kelsey wanted to come up here and get me. Though I would've felt guilty as hell. She's been down to Louisville, I don't know how many times in the past week or so. And here I just feel like this big disappointment, because I don't want to piss off Kai and her parents by switching plans yet again, and the parentals are fucking overly paranoid because they're fucking mental and they don't trust Kelsey and they think I'll get kidnapped or something. This is the problem living with paranoid schizophrenics who basically own you. I can't see two of the people who actually make me feel like I'm worth something. And I just feel like all I do is disappoint them.

And now my grandmother's doing the same damn thing Kait and Justin did. And I'm fucking crying for the second time today. All everyone ever does is tell me my relationship basically means nothing and that he's not good enough for me. PEOPLE PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. Does no one want me to be fucking happy?! PMS and stress do not mix well. And I can't stand feeling so damn upset. And pathetic. Just sitting here, trying to calm down. I hate crying.

Currently Listening The Scorpion King By Various Artists I Stand Alone see related

ColossalCon 2007-messy report.

Yeah, so I had originally been planning to stay all weekend, and room with Kelsey and Dora and whoever. Kelsey got sick, Kate couldn't give her a ride, so she ended up not being able to go. However, Lily and Niki were planning to go to Colossal, so I figured it'd be fun to go with them. Even if they were both cosplaying and I was...me, yeah. XD Friday, Lily was Yuna, and Niki was Tifa. We had originally thought we would only be there Friday...well, we later figured, hell, why not just pay the extra $14 for a 3-day pass, and go tomorrow, instead of coming back and paying another $25? Though that was Niki and I, after we had dropped Lily back off so she could get to work. Umm. I found Kalajessta, and paid for...something I will not mention in case certain eyes read this...>> Waiting for it to come in the mail. I'm finishing uploading all the pics right now, still gotta edit them, and then add them in my con report. ^^ Anyway, we got to Colossal at about...1:30-ish, the line wasn't too bad when we were there. It was a lot worse later. I had heard that Colossal was a small con...well, there were A LOT of people. I mean, wow. The hotel was crammed a lot...traffic was pretty bad. But I saw plenty of amazing cosplays, and also...I have to say: Lily does a fucking amazing job sewing. Her Yuna cosplay and Niki's Tifa cosplay? Srsly. Fucking awesome. If I ever got the money, I'd ask Lily to teach me how to sew, and help me make an outfit. If I ever decided what to cosplay. XD Saw a few panels...The AMV panel, InuPoet's back HOORAY!, Kyo's glomping panel, as well as a panel about the OLD toonami, and then yeah.

Umm...dealer's room, as usual, not enough money to blow. I bought what I needed to, plus a bunny hat, and...I couldn't help it, I bought an adorable Riku/Sora keychain for my keys. I desperately wanted a Gaara plushie, or an Axel plushie, but nooooo. *Sigh* My next check is going towards Ikasu pre-reg. Because the ending date for pre-reg is...July 14th? I need $40. Pssh. Kait wants to go to CP, and take Bill, and Jesi wants to take Kenny. And they want me to go with them. Yes, let's invite a 5th wheel. NO. Dora's moving down to Louisville, and she'll drag Phillip to Ikasu. ^^ Speaking of which! I got to hang out with Dora-chan on Saturday, she, Izzy, Jesse, and umm...o-o; Three other people, I forgot their names. D= Craaaap. They all drove up here Friday night, no sleep. Poor Jesse was out like a light. Niki seemed to be okay with them, I was hoping she didn't feel awkward with them or anything. I know she's a lot better than Kai, and she's the quiet type, but she's still a thousand times more social than Kai. She said she had fun...the only thing we didn't get to do was get her in a picture with Captain Jack Sparrow. Anyway! I love Dora. <3333 She gave me a Furuba poster. I was like: O-O AWW! *Glompnuzzle* She's so short and adorable and sweet. ^^; She's shorter than MEEEEE!!! And she dyed her hair blonde, with red/brown towards the bottom. I thought it looked good. Izzy is amusing as always. And I swear...the raving thing. I don't remember who tried to show me how to rave with glowsticks. I mean, I've watched Phillip and a bunch of other guys...I swear it's a guy thing! I can't do it right. But eh, whatever. Nobody cares that I can't dance/rave. ^^; I nearly died of heat, and I was all: X-X WATERRRRR~ Wandered off to find some, and I couldn't. My arms are kinda sore at the moment. XD When I got home that night, the second I got in the door, I was bitched at for being late. We didn't leave until a little before midnight, and it takes half an hour to get home. So my grandmother started screaming at me, and got me pissed off. I just called Phillip, and didn't really give a damn about next month's phone bill. He made me happy though. ^^; And I just talked to him about the con, and he said something about him and Colleen being in the park, and her looking like me for a split second. O-o;

http://s72.photobucket.com/albums/i192/deathly_silent/ColossalCon%2007/

Anyway, there's all the uploaded pictures. ^^ Overall, Colossal was fun. I got to meet that Sasuke crossplayer who I saw back at Ikasu last year, and I got to hug her. Yaaay. Niki wants to go to Ikasu with Kai...so that means if everything works out with the whole, me going down to Cincinnatti for a week, I'll probably just room with Kelsey. As long as people didn't mind giving me a ride up to Fort Wayne too, or letting me crash in their hotel room. Though I'd still have to get a ride home from Kai, if her parents wouldn't care. The only problems being, I would have to pay for the gas to have the parentals drive me down to Cinci and go back home. Which would suck. x-x; I have no idea how that will work. Rawr.

Because of you I laugh a little harder,
cry a lot less, & smile a whole lot more.

Falling in love is rather like a dance. Each dancer has his or her own steps, but for the dance to work, each dancer must also understand the other's steps & they must move together in a fluid moment, sometimes parting but always aware of the other. It is a beautiful thing to watch. And yet, so many budding romances fall at the first hurdles; too many dancers spin apart from each other, or fail to bend to the other's rhythm.

You're the single-most important being to ever grace my existence ♥

At the sight of your appearance, my smile becomes uncontrollable. The slip of your touch heals my sorrows. The look of your eye opens my heart & the blessing of your kiss fills it. The ring of your call stops my heart & the sound of your voice starts it. The company of you makes me speechless when there are so many things to say, motionless when there are so many things to do, & needy when there's only one person I want. So don't tell me I don't love you, because I do. Because of you, this is the first & only time I've ever felt like this, but I know, this is love. Because of you <3

Wow. I'm in a girly mood. o-o; ColossalCon next weekend! ^^ Parentals are THINKING about letting me go Friday. Depending on my 'behavior'. Actually meaning, depending on whether or not they're paranoid enough that day. They're so damn overprotective. RAWR. But oh well. I still get to hang out with Kelsey and Seth and Dora. =) Though I'm not quite sure how I'll have enough money to go to Ikasu. And Dora's not moving to Louisville, so Phillip probably can't go to Ikasu either.

Phillip's still in Canada, with his mother's side of the family. He likes Canada. Apparently, they have a special going on, trade in any 6 PS2 generation games, get a free DS Lite. Though he wants a Ryuuzaki DS...Trade in any 8 PS2 generation games, get a free PSP. I'm guessing they're used. That's the only catch. >> But whatever. He wanted a DS Lite. He was freaking out yesterday, because he was in this store and he was just like a little kid in a candy shop, I swear. You should've heard him. XD It was adorable though. <3

I was really pissed off last week, I think I might've punched something and split open my knuckle. o-o; And I accidentally stabbed myself with my Kumogoro pin on my yaoi messenger bag. I guess it fell off, and someone at home put it in one of the pockets, and the pin went through the material so when I was looking for it, I didn't see the needle and yeah. >> But finals are over, and it's officially summer. So that's good. ^^

Filled out an application to K-Mart...yeah, looking at possibly getting a second job. Not sure though. It's just, hours at the coffee shop suck majorly, and so does the pay. =\ I need a better job. Considering our cell's shut off again, and I doubt I'll have it back on anytime soon. And T-Mobile, I can't get accepted with. So that sucks. I can't sign for my own cell, since I'm not 18. Rawr. I think that's what I got pissed off about, that and I was just really stressed, because this was during the days I was taking finals...Not sure when I'll get my report card. Hoping I did okay on all my finals. The only test score I know was my Chem exam, 75/76. I didn't set the curve, someone else did, but I was still really happy with my score. I'm gonna miss Mr. Maichrye's class. =( I'll have to see if I get a studyhall or not next year. I don't think I will...Taking AP Bio(hopefully gonna get Bouman), French V(I'm fucking insane...), some art class, Language Arts 12C, some business class, and Pre-Calc w/ Trig. Two AP level classes, one honors. Funfun for Ash her senior year. Although French V will be an AP class...I doubt we'll really do anything of worth that will come anywhere near my workload for AP Bio. And AP Bio is three periods long. Either 3rd and 4th or 6th, 7th, and 8th. We'll have to see. Don't get our schedules until the first day afterall.

Why am I even bothering to waste energy thinking about school when I'm FINALLY done? Srsly. I should go level up in FFX-2 or something. Or FF8. I finally have time to finish FF8. I just wish everyone wasn't half Squall's level! He's level 100, everyone's either in the 40's, nearing 50's or below. No joke. Zell and Quistis are the closest to Squall so far. And I just restarted FFX-2 for the hell of it. I'll go do that now. ^^;